I m short. do i have to list my height in my dating profile life and style the guardian


I m short. Do I have to list my height in my dating profile
I have been on the reverse side of this equation, in a way – I am, some people say, “quite tall for a woman”, and there have been a few occasions where I’ve met men who were shorter than me and who seemed unhappy with my height. (“Oh”, said one when I stood up, his disappointment evident in his face, “You don’t look tall when you’re sitting down.” I did not hear from him again.) It’s not nice to feel that someone is dismissing you due to something which, as you note, you can’t change. But it’s important to remember that they are the problem; you aren’t.
I'm short. Do I have to list my height in my dating profile?
I’m in my early 30s, and I’ve been using various online dating sites and apps on and off for a few years. I’ve met some nice women and had some really fun dates.
At 5ft 6in I’m quite short for a man, and while this has always been a bit of a problem, I seem to be finding more and more women who have an issue with this. I’ve dated women taller and shorter than me, and I don’t care how tall a woman is.
I never put my height in my bio, as I have found it puts women off matching or replying to messages. However, not putting my height feels a little bit like lying, and most women will eventually ask how tall I am anyway.
A few don’t care, but often women will stop replying to messages, block me, or very occasionally become insulting when I tell them my height. This is more the case on dating apps such as Tinder. On some occasions women have cancelled at the last minute when I’ve told them I’m 5ft 6in.
When I’m asked my height I try to answer in a jokey way, but I sometimes end up getting defensive, and I know this is very off-putting. I’ve never felt insecure about my height in the past, but I’m finding it hard to deal with the increasing number of women who are responding negatively.
I know everyone has personal preferences, but it feels pretty bad to have someone cancel a date because of something I can’t change. How should I deal with this issue when it comes up in conversation, and what is the best way to answer when asked about my height?
I think you have to own it. You’re 5ft 6in and that’s not a bad thing. It’s just the size that you are. In fact, it sounds like it hasn’t been impeding you terribly – you note that you’ve had some really fun dates. But it sounds like you’ve lately run up against a few women who you wouldn’t want to date anyway, because they have a terrible problem, far worse than being on the not-tall side: they are people who cancel dates at the last minute because they are heightists. Do you want to spend your life (or even a drink) with women who are that rude? No, you do not. You deserve better.
I have been on the reverse side of this equation, in a way – I am, some people say, “quite tall for a woman”, and there have been a few occasions where I’ve met men who were shorter than me and who seemed unhappy with my height. (“Oh”, said one when I stood up, his disappointment evident in his face, “You don’t look tall when you’re sitting down.” I did not hear from him again.) It’s not nice to feel that someone is dismissing you due to something which, as you note, you can’t change. But it’s important to remember that they are the problem; you aren’t.
So here’s a question: how much can you tolerate women reacting with surprise or, potentially, disappointment, when you meet them, because of your height? If it doesn’t bother you so much that you want to raise it in advance, then it seems to me that there’s no need to mention how tall you are.
If it is bothersome, then flag it up, and trust that the women you do meet in real life will be a bit more polite. The truth is that revealing your height may mean that you match with fewer women than, say, a 6ft 5in ex-Olympic rower, but does he have your great personality? It’s likely that he does not.
Just remember: mentioning your height ahead of time is something you are doing for yourself, to improve your dating experiences. Not because you owe it to women. Don’t feel that you have to turn it into a self-deprecating joke: it’s just the size that you happen to be. Which, for the right person, will be exactly the right size.
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